It's weird to think that I actually really am a part of that movement in the sense I'm certainly celebrating myself and acknowledging that heart disease has affected me in so many ways. (Not only bad though) I guess I've taken a better appreciation towards life recently and I realize that life certainly may
have its ups and downs, but all the bad instances make me appreciate life so much more.Yesterday I went out and just had a good night. It was nice to just have a change of pace and to tell you the truth, I haven't felt more like myself than I did yesterday, in months. It was as though I hadn't even acknowledged having a disease or how much its changed me or any of the other problems in my life. I didn't think about my upcoming surgery or anything like that. I just enjoyed being out and about. I feel like I haven't been this person, the confidence, the happiness, the putting myself first, in a long, long time.
It's really nice just to be for a change. I did have my moments of stress though throughout this week but, like I mentioned in others posts, walking/working out seems to be a really good outlet. I walked three miles on Tuesday, over four miles yesterday, and today, I walked another three miles. I didn't get to the amount I originally wanted to do today because I was distracted by a phone call. That phone call led to another and by the time I had been able to get back on the treadmill, it actually had shut off! Kinda a little upset cause I lost all my information without getting a chance to record it, but I guess I can be okay with knowing I did well over three miles.The phone call was of course calling my doctor. Unfortunately, the final results of my pulmonary function test are still not in! Its infuriating because I've been calling all week. The more the results are delayed, the longer its going to take to get my surgery scheduled. I just want a date! And it feels like every week goes by and its just being prolonged even more.
Life is always -> Yesterday they said they would have it today. Today they said by the end of the day.. Tomorrow.. let's see... I'm waiting to yell at the doctor. But, like I said in the last post, the frustrating part isn't always my health, its the healthcare providers. I'm pretty sure the secretary, at the very least, felt bad because she knows I've been calling all week. And there isn't anything she can do. Being a secretary myself, I've dealt with people just like me who are frustrated and in that sense, I do feel bad knowing secretaries always get the brunt of it.
With any luck, tomorrow I will finally have results! After.. I get to call the cardiologist and probably play phone tag well into next week. Too bad, I was really hoping I'd have it during my birthday week.
In any case, I suppose I have some more time to enjoy this newly regained feeling of being empowered, in control, and being myself. (something I haven't felt in ages!) Whatever it was, last night did me wonders, as did the rest of the week.
Sometimes you just have to let loose and remember that not everything in life is your control. The best thing anyone can do is just go with the flow and enjoy the ride.
I found this quote and it pretty much sums up my life right now:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in rain!
<3
Jess
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