Yesterday was my nine month anniversary since I had my operation. It's amazing how time flies. I really can't believe that it's been that long! It seems like just yesterday that I was waking up and going to the hospital. I remember the hugs and kisses, and the smile I had plastered on my face as I walked through the waiting room and into the operating room.
While I don't even remember the anesthesiologist name or those who assisted him, I do remember that if it had not been for this British Asian doctor, the fear that I was hiding, would have been very much present. One of the last things I remember saying to him before I fell under, was do not let me wake up.
I didn't wake up during surgery. And looking back now, nine months later, it truly is remarkable how much I have overcome and how much I have personally been able to achieve.
With being the primary caretaker of my father right now, I am reminded of how much I wanted freedom after surgery. You're pretty much confined to your house and you rely heavily on those around you to give you any relief at all from your isolation.
As much as I was an emotional roller coaster from just having so much to recover with, I can't imagine what an emotional roller coaster my dad has been on with steroids. After talking to a few people who not only have had surgery on their heart but, also in other areas, one thing has become very apparent that we all have in common - that is, we all are living with a prominent battle in our heads of what we're feeling on a daily basis.
That was certainly something pre-op did not prep me on. The emotional ups and downs you feel post surgery are more intense than I could have ever imagined. I remember one night just yelling at my poor mom because of how much I couldn't take living in my house anymore. All because of the lack of freedom and for that moment in time, I did not see my future of a better health. Rather, I just had the one day at a time mentality. I wish on that day in particular, I did look ahead. Many other days, I certainly did, just not that one.
Those weeks following the near month stay in the hospital make me realize now how much it was a struggle to sit still. I wanted so much more out of my life that it was hard to realize, it was just a brief chapter in my life that I had to be home.
I am reminded of these thoughts once more as some days I struggle with the frustration of a recovering father.
A brief moment in time of my young life, though sometimes frustrating, it is a life full of love, happiness, and health. My friends and family have taught me despite struggle, life will move forward. Happy 9 months to me and happy 1 month and a few days to my dad!
As Dori from Finding Nemo said "Just keep swimming."
<3
Jess
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